Sunday, October 5, 2008

Belgium Diary Part 3: The gig

I left the apartment yesterday thinking I might have been a bit hard of Geel. (I wrote that blog at 6am, jetlagged) I had breakfast at the hotel, The hotel is ridiculously nice. It is some kind of old manor, I am pretty sure it has a kind of moat around it. Maybe it is just a creek. There is a little chicken pen and archways with vines on them. Breakfast was really great.
(note: I know that paragraph was boring but I don’t want to come across too negative so I am mentioning a good thing.)

3 separate people had recommended I go to the local flee market, I ran into Tom Rhodes who is also doing the festival and he was going there so we went together. As he put it ‘Well that killed 4 minutes.’ And there was an overwhelming feeling of ‘what now?’ It was 11am.
I don’t usually wake up that early, it is shocking how much time there is in a day. My god. The things people could achieve with all this time.

I spent the rest of the day preparing for the show.

Sometimes I do gigs on the Gold Coast but I don't really like it because I have to drive and hour home and if it is a bad gig that is a very long drive. (Plus the Gold Coast is a fucking piece of wretched shit)
I couldn't help but think if the gig sucked it would be a very painful flight home.

I think it is pretty amazing that people here would go to an English speaking show. I don’t think if a dutch speaking person came to Australia to do stand up many people would turn up.

I am not really sure how good my my gig was. A girl said to me:
‘Hey cool show. I think some people didn’t understand it because you spoke quite fast. They don’t watch enough Neighbours’

Tomorrow I wil head to London. That is exciting I have only been there once for a day.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Belgium part 2: Geel

I haven’t seen any retards yet. I have seen lots of shops selling adult diapers but no retards. It turns out that Geel has a population of 35 000. It has a massive psychiatric hospital, around 1000 patients (we drove past it. It is about the size of a University) and around 60% of them live in the home. Apparently that is a very good percent and people come from around the world to be cared for here. That is the only reason why someone would come from anywhere else to be here. It is the least interesting town I have ever been to.
There is nothing to do. I said to the hotel receptionist ‘What can I do here’ and she just gave me a blank look. There is a train station that can take me out of town. That is it.
They haven’t even bothered pretending to have a tourist trade. You know how small towns in Australia have a stupid tourist information centre and it tells you about the local park which has a good swing, and the main street which has cafes and restaurants and maybe like a statue of Ned Kelly. All of which you can usually see from the tourist information centre? They don’t even have that much.
I bought some chocolate from a recommended chocolate shop and it really is fucking amazing. I think the town took all their happiness and put it into this chocolate shop and now there is nothing left over.

BELGIUM part 1

I am going overseas for 10 days and will write a daily-ish Diary of my time here. This is part 1

I am currently on my way to Belgium to do a show. I don’t know anything about Belgium. I know they speak a variety of languages, none of them are English and I know they make good chocolate. I am fairly sure the capital is Brussels because that is what is says on my boarding pass. Specifically I am traveling to Geel in Belgium. I looked Geel up on the internet and all I could find out about it is that it is famous for looking after retards very well, and as a result it has a very large population of retards. It is kind of like their Adelaide. So from what I can gather I am on my way to do half hour of stand-up for fat retards who don’t speak English. I can’t help but feel mildly concerned.
When I first found out about it I thought it was the coolest thing every. Mostly caus I could casually say ‘Oh next week I am going to Belgium to do a gig.’ But now I realize that anyone can send an email saying they have an arts centre and promise to pay me a fee that covers my flights. 26 hours into that flight and I can’t help but feel like one of those dopes who fly around to the world to meet a lover they met online. I have a feeling Mandy wil turn out to be a 45 man with red hair.

I am currently at Heathrow airport. Gordon Ramsay has a restaurant here so I decided to have breakfast there even though I wasn’t hungry. Gordon was eating there! I say like 2 metres away from him and stared at him too much. Which is a scary thing to do caus I felt like he would start yelling me. I was going to ask him for a picture but I have been in a plane for 26 hours and don’t need any evidence of what I look like right now. I wish I said hi to him, mostly because it would of made this paragraph of my blog much more interesting.